X-toberfest

This Saturday, October 7th, 2000, please join me and a bunch of hooligans in the celebration of X-toberfest -- a multicultural tribute to October, inebriation, hoodoo, German pornographic music, the Hammond B3 organ, and cutting edge-technology from the early 1990's. The festitivies will start whenever you drag out of bed from the night before, and end when the police get called and refuse to leave or I throw everyone out.

Rough schedule: Sometime during the day I'll be doing final preparations for The Shindig -- feel free to come over (the earlier you arrive the more likely you are to be put to work though...). The keg will be tapped whenever those present want to start in. Around 3 or 4 or 5 or so I'll fire up the grill and cook up burgers, dogs, brats, chicken, and whatever other flammables are at hand. After that it's party mode.

You'll get your:

1. drink on
2. snack on
3. party on
4. chill on
5. stagger on
6. crash on
7. taxi/designated-driver/paid-night-of-lodging-here on

I will provide a keg of the best beer I can muster (not Shaeffer's or Milwaukee's Beast, and hopefully not Buttwiper, Miller, PBR, or anything you'd find on the shelf next to them at Kwik Sak). The keg will be free (holy shit FREE BEER) -- the only thing I ask is that we all step up to the plate and finish it off. As an optimist I should have additional beer, liquor, mixers, snacks, etc., with the hope that I'll be throwing away empties. You are, of course, free to bring your own beverage/snack/food of choice.

I will be providing music, and should have a digital jukebox set up to play it (if all goes well, constructed from old-school technology^tm). Follow link below for more information on music.

The overall atmosphere of the party will be determined by the specific individuals attending. This could be anything from a geek-fest ("So, Dexter, did you submit that RFC about the teleportation protocol?") to a full-on Crisco-wrestling drop-down-drag-out booty-slapper. I would personally prefer the latter. It's really up to you.

Y'all be goin' to da party? Check dis. I'm fixin' ta rise up and get my disclaimer on. O.k., here's the deal. I'm working under the theory that my house (I've been renting since May) is a great place to have a bitchin' party. The only neighbors I've even seen any sign of in the past month live down near the road (60 feet away?) on the other side of a line of trees and bushes, so I probably won't have problems with annoying neighbor complaints (in fact, I suspect that one set of neighbors may actually have died in their living room watching television some time ago). But, the following things need to be said: Don't bring weaponry. (clear enough?) I don't want to get busted because some minor is guzzling from the keg or ends up shitfaced on the front yard. And last but not least, I don't care what you do in your spare time, but If the DEA would confiscate it, don't bring it. Feel free to interpret these for yourself and draw appropriate conclusions.

more shiznit (links):

Getting your drunk ass here

Since you've gotten this far you're probably already drunk and behind the wheel of that mobile death machine you call a car. You probably could've gotten a ride to the party. Hey, there are a lot of taxi companies in Nashville you could have called. Well, no point in arguing now. Start up the Mobile Executioner and head for 1426 Riverside Drive.
	Riverside Drive is in the lovely district sometimes known as "East Nashville". There are a number of ways to get to Riverside Drive.
Coming in from downtown you can take Woodland Avenue out to Riverside Drive. Click on the map above for a page of detailed directions shamelessly ripped and butchered off a popular mapping site. If you print them out, please try not to eat them or leave them in the toilet.   If you instead choose to put yourself in extreme high-speed peril, you can come in from I-65, north of town, onto Briley Parkway. Click the above map to perpetuate the misuse of some company's mapping information. By the way, when the map flies out your car window (or catches you and your car on fire when you use it to light a cigarette), feel free not to mention my name to the officer.
You should be on Riverside Drive now. Riverside is a divided road -- meaning that should you swerve too far you will require extraction from a healthy median or other formidable obstacle.
	My house has an even number -- 1426 -- so you will want to eventually be on that side of the divider (heading southbound), otherwise it will be exceedingly less likely that you will make it into my driveway. If you came in from Woodland Drive you'll actually go past my house on the northbound (odd numbers) side, then turn around to get back to it on the other side. If you came in from Gallatin Road you should be on the correct side of the road. This means you should make an attempt to actually read the numbers on the mailboxes you keep hitting. Should you need to turn around, find a suitable place to turn, cross the divider, and (very important) head in the other direction.
As you near 1426 Riverside (in the southbound lane) you'll be looking for my driveway which will be on your right, unless you are once again driving backwards. There will be a house with a visible driveway (#1428 I believe), some very large bushes (which obscure my driveway and mailbox), my driveway, and then my mailbox. Turn right into my driveway.
	The driveway runs all the way to the rear of the house. Depending on how many people are at the house the driveway and parts of the yard may already have cars parked in them. Don't park so that others can't leave. If the yard is full, park safely on the side of the street. Try not to stagger out into traffic. Feel free to leave your windows rolled down so that neighborhood hooligans can toss empty malt liquor bottles into your vehicle as they pass at ridiculous speeds.